A Boy and His Girl and Her Pig
by Arianna Elly Vesle
Summary: Ranma says: "I'm gettin' really fed up with the way Akane fawns over her stupid 'widdle P-chan! She cares about that dumb pig more than ME!" Much WAFF to be had here. One-Shot.


Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. Why, if they did - - but, no, I'll spare you my life's goals. Rumiko Takahashi owns them, not me.  
  
A Boy and His Girl and Her Pig  
  
by Arianna (Elly) Vesle  
  
Ranma was suspicious that he was about to have a bad day. He had been awakened rather rudely when Genma-Panda tripped over him on his way out of their shared bedroom, and Ranma had dragged himself out of bed and out into the hallway at almost exactly the same time as Akane opened her bedroom door. Ranma blinked as he noticed the small black animal she was holding in one arm, and cooing to. Ranma blinked again. With her other hand, Akane was buttoning her blouse. And, sure enough, P-chan had a decidedly dopey look on his face. Ranma clenched his fists, feeling his chest burn. Ryoga had watched Akane get dressed. Ranma was furious. Deep down, he knew Ryoga didn't have perverted intentions, but he was also incredibly thoughtless. Didn't he ever consider how Akane would feel if she knew?  
  
Well, Ranma just wasn't going to let Ryoga sleep in Akane's bed and watch her dress and get away with it. He stomped over to her.  
  
Akane looked up as he approached, her brow furrowing with annoyance even before he spoke. "What do you want, Ranma?" As if she had already known his intentions, Akane tightened her hold on P-chan.   
  
Seeing that there was no way he could extract the pig from his fiancee's grip, Ranma shrugged moodily, leaning against the wall. "Oh, nothin'. I'm just wondering why you'd want a little ol' pig in bed with you, I mean it's kinda weird. They're not the cleanest animals in the world, y'know."  
  
Akane scowled. "Stop picking on P-chan! I swear, Ranma, you are so childish sometimes! Just because you don't like him doesn't mean you always have to be such a jerk about it!"  
  
"I'm not bein' a jerk," Ranma protested. "Besides, I"m not the one hauling around a walking pork chop."  
  
Akane didn't say anything in response; she hit him with her mallet instead. Ranma knew as he raised himself from the floor that the whole day was going to be bad. He could just tell. Now why couldn't Ryoga have fallen into the Spring of the Drowned Spider? Ranma grinned a little to himself, imagining the scenario. Little spider-type Ryoga, scurrying around, complete with spider-sized bandanna, spider Ryoga trying to pull his backpack along. Akane, squealing in fright, striking at the terrifying arachnid with her mallet, then turning and running into his arms for protection and - - Ranma blushed, shaking his head to clear it. It wasn't his fault Akane didn't know it was all for her own good. Ranma scowled in the direction his fiancee had gone, then sighed and went to get ready for school.  
  
It didn't get any better. By lunchtime, Ranma had managed to get into a fight with Mousse, fail to keep Shampoo from destroying half a classroom and gotten both himself and Akane detention. She was furious with him. Ranma leaned against the wall, careful not to slop himself with water and glanced over at his fiancee. She wouldn't believe him when he'd told her Shampoo'd made such a mess because he'd stopped her from attacking Akane, nor that Kuno had attacked him after he'd told him to stay away from Akane. It was for her sake he kept getting in trouble, but did she ever appreciate his efforts? No. What an entirely thankless life.  
  
"Akane Tendo!" Ranma grimaced painfully.  
  
"Aww . . . ." He turned to see the dreaded Tatewaki Kuno bounding towards Akane, who blanched. Ranma opened his mouth to say something . . . and didn't. Instead, he merely watched as Kuno reached Akane and stretched out his arms.  
  
"Fair Akane Tendo! I- omph!"   
  
Akane planted her foot in Kuno's face. "Stay AWAY from me!"  
  
Kuno staggered to his feet again, the mark of Akane's shoe printed across his face. "Fair maiden, there is no need for this facade! Let me take thee in my arms and we shalt fly from this place!" He glomped Akane before she could kick him again.  
  
Akane's face turned a shade of furious red usually reserved for Ranma. "Get OFF of me, you pervert!! Ranma - !"  
  
Ranma blinked, startled. But already some instinct had taken over and he was snatching Akane away from Kuno with one arm and planting his other fist in the center of Akane's shoeprint. "Knock it off Kuno, she ain't interested."  
  
"But -"  
  
"Go AWAY!" Akane kicked him again, this time out the window. A few curious students who had peeked out of the classrooms shrugged and went back inside, the situation having had its usual outcome.  
  
"Geez, there are some people I'll never understand," Ranma muttered. He blinked again and looked down to see Akane staring up into his face. From two inches away. Ranma felt his face grow hot. "W-what're you staring at me for?!"  
  
Akane moved away from him quickly. "I- nothing. I . . . I hurt my arm I think." Akane turned away from him to examine her arm. Ranma wrinkled his nose.  
  
"What'd you do that for?"  
  
Akane glared at him. "Baka! I didn't do it on purpose! I think you did it when you yanked me like that."  
  
Ranma felt bad for a second, then he was suddenly miffed. "Wait a minute! What're you blaming ME for?! You asked for my help!"  
  
"I did not! I was just fine on my own!"   
  
Ranma was angry now. "You did so ask for help! Fine, next time I'll just let Kuno cop a feel! It's not like I care or anything, although I can't imagine WHY he'd be interested in a tomboy like you!"  
  
Akane's face turned white, the red. "Ranma . . . no . . . BAKAAA!!"  
  
It took Ranma ten minutes to extract himself from the tree she kicked him into.  
  
Ranma was still stewing on the way home that afternoon. Kasumi had asked them to stop by the store and pick up some potatoes for dinner, so it took twice as long as usual. Ranma normally would have left Akane to do the shopping herself and headed on home, but he was so busy feeling sorry for himself he didn't even notice the deviation from their regular route. He stood silently while Akane bought the potatoes and then followed her sulkily back out of the market district. Eventually, Akane noticed his deeply etched scowl.  
  
"What IS your problem today?" she demanded, still feeling peeved. Ranma just shrugged his shoulders. Akane wasn't satisfied. "What's the matter Ranma?" she sneered. "Did you miss your nap?"  
  
"I slept fine," Ranma snapped. "I'm sure you did too, you and your little P-chan." The statement was dripping with contempt by the time it passed Ranma's lips, and he knew instantly that he had just made a mistake.  
  
Akane's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Oh, grow UP, Ranma," she snapped. "I can't believe you're such a jerk! Don't you have anything better to do than pick on a little piglet?!"  
  
"Obviously you don't have anything better to do than hang around and play with one," Ranma retorted. "An uncute sexless girl like you wouldn't have anything better to do than hang around with animals, cause it's not like any guy could ever want you -"  
  
Akane slapped him. Ranma felt his head snap sideways and brought it back to face Akane. His mouth dropped open when he saw the tears streaming down her face. Ranma started to panic.  
  
'Oh man, oh man, oh man, never should have said that! What'd I say that for!' "A-Akane, I - -"  
  
"Just don't say anything, just shut up!" Akane shoved past him and ran away. Ranma stared stupidly after her for a moment before suddenly jolting back to himself with a start and racing after her.  
  
"Akane, wait!"  
  
Ranma tried to keep track of his fiancee, but she darted across streets and through alleys and before long he had -  
  
"Lost her. Damn it. Now what do I do?" Ranma looked around. "I don't even recognize this place." He sighed. "Guess I should head home. Maybe she'll be there already."  
  
Ranma started walking, but soon realized he wasn't heading home at all. He wasn't sure how, but he had come back to the same stretch of sidewalk where he and Akane had started arguing. Ranma swallowed hard against the lump in his throat and turned - - and there she was. She was picking up the bag of potatoes she had dropped when she'd run away. Ranma opened his mouth to call her, then shut it again and started jogging towards her.  
  
"Akane!" The girl jumped as she heard her name. She probably would have run away again, but Ranma caught her wrist. "Akane, wait, please?" Akane didn't say anything, but she scowled at him and Ranma saw her face was tearstained. "Akane, I . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said before." Akane pulled her arm away and turned. "Aw, c'mon, Akane!" Ranma darted up beside her. "Don't be mad. I'm really sorry, honest."  
  
"Shut up, Ranma," Akane hissed. "I don't want to hear your stupid apologies." Ranma was taken aback.   
  
"But, Akane, I said I was sorry, and - "  
  
"P-chan!" Akane darted away from him suddenly and scooped up the small animal. Ranma scowled. Lovely, what marvelous timing. Akane cuddled her pet. "I'm so happy to see you. I was just on my way home for dinner, would you like to come too?" She giggled as P-chan squealed happily. Ranma grabbed Akane's shoulder.  
  
"C'mon, Akane, listen to me for once!" Akane jerked away from him.  
  
"I don't want to talk to you, Ranma."  
  
"Akane, c'mon! Forget about the pig for once and let me talk to you!" Akane didn't say anything, just hugged P-chan tighter. Ranma grit his teeth. "Akane! He's just a pig. I'm a person. Listen to me."  
  
P-chan bweed angrily. He snapped at Ranma, then, still squealing, squirmed out of Akane's arms and ran off - - probably to change back into human form and challenge Ranma. Akane glared at Ranma. "Now you've made him run off, stupid! This is the middle of the city! You have to help me catch him." She grabbed Ranma's pigtail and pulled him after her. "P-chan! P-chan! Come back!" Ranma freed himself and ran after Akane.  
  
"C'mon, Akane, he'll be fine, he wanders around all the time!"  
  
"But there's traffic here! He's so little, what if - " Akane stopped suddenly, put a hand over her mouth and screamed. "RANMA!"  
  
Ranma saw now too. P-chan was just getting ready to dart out into the street. He was too small to see the car about to turn the corner. "RYOGA! YOU STUPID IDIOT!! STOP!" P-chan turned, jabbered at Ranma angrily and hopped off the curb. "STOP!!"  
  
"P-chan!" Akane shrieked.  
  
"He's gonna get hit," Ranma muttered. He flew into the street. Akane watched with wide eyes.  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
There was a screech of breaks. A moment and a long stream of expletives later, the car roared off and Akane dashed across the street as Ranma picked himself up. Her face was white. "Oh, Ranma," she gasped. Ranma held out a small black pig, rigid with fright.  
  
"Here. Take him." Akane reached out.  
  
"Oh, P-chan, you almost got run over!" As Akane fussed over her pet, Ranma turned his arm over, hissing in pain as he touched the bleeding abrasion that ran from his bare shoulder almost to his wrist. He'd get Ryoga back for this someday. Let him have his little moment of mollycoddling. Ranma bit his lip and dropped his arm to his side, hiding it as he turned back to Akane. He started. She was a lot closer than he'd thought, and he took a step backwards in surprise. The next thing he knew, Akane had bumped against him and slid her free hand around him and was hugging him tightly, burying her face in his shirt.  
  
"Akane?" Ranma stammered.  
  
"Oh, Ranma," came her muffled voice. Her hold on him tightened. Ranma almost swallowed his tongue.  
  
"Um . . ." Akane lifted her head. Ranma swallowed hard. "NOW what's wrong? I saved P-chan, didn't I?"  
  
"Are you alright?" Akane whispered.  
  
"I . . . sure, I'm fine." Ranma reflexively moved his arm farther back to hide it. He shouldn't have. Akane released him and grabbed the arm, pulling it towards her.  
  
"No you're not, you hurt your arm."  
  
"Aw, it's just a scrape, Akane, that's all." Ranma watched, feeling slightly dismayed as Akane's eyes filled with tears. "Aw, what's the matter, Akane? I saved your pig; you don't need to cry."  
  
"That's not it!" Akane looked around, realizing she'd dropped her sack of potatoes again. It was laying on the sidewalk neaby, so she bent to retrieve it, and after pausing for a moment, began tying the just-barely-thawing P-chan onto it, presumably to hinder him from running away again. She finished and looked up at Ranma with a look he hadn't seen before. He gulped as Akane took his good arm. "Ranma - you scared me."  
  
Ranma was instantly on the defensive. "Hey, I didn't do anything! The stupid pig ran off on his own!"  
  
"Baka!" Akane set the potatoes down and pulled on his arm. He turned to face her. She looked up at him, her gaze unsteady. "That's not what I mean. You . . . you scared me."  
  
Ranma was confused. "I . . . I don't get it. I rescued - "  
  
"Forget about P-chan," Akane interrupted, slicing her hands through the air. At the mention of his name, the piglet blinked and looked up at Akane, bweeing softly. She ignored him. Ranma blinked. Akane bit her lip. "Ranma, P-chan is . . . he's just my pet." P-chan squealed in protest, but nobody noticed him. Akane looked at Ranma, struggling. "I . . . I just . . . You could have gotten yourself killed."  
  
"Wouldn't be the first time," Ranma murmured.   
  
"You scared me."  
  
Ranma frowned. "I, ah . . . I'm sorry . . . ."  
  
"You understand, don't you?" Ranma nodded - lying. Akane could tell. "I care about P-chan; he's my pet, but . . . but . . . ."  
  
Ranma let that soak in for a moment. Then he raised his head suddenly. Akane watched him apprehensively. "Hey! Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"  
  
Akane froze. "Wha - - Oh, Ranma, you're completely hopeless! Why do I even bother?!" She grabbed her sack of potatoes and P-chan and stomped off.  
  
Suddenly she sensed Ranma beside her and tilted her head a little. "Does this mean you're going to forgive me for before?" he asked softly. Akane stopped and looked at him, surprised. Ranma smiled shyly. "It's not like you owe me or nothin', 'cause you know I'd do it again any day, but it'd be nice, anyway." He paused, waiting.  
  
Akane dropped the potatoes and hugged him. Ranma stood silently for a moment, then hesitantly put his arms around her. He slowly relaxed. This was actually . . . kinda . . . really nice.  
  
Akane turned her head and it kind of slid into place on Ranma's shoulder. "I forgive you," she whispered finally. "Thank you for saving P-chan."  
  
Ranma blushed. "Uh huh."  
  
At this point they both became aware of P-chan squealing furiously. He was snapping and jumping at Ranma, but the potatoes kept pulling him back. Ranma grinned. "What's the matter, boy? Are you trying to tell us something?" he asked, opening his eyes wide in mock sincerity. Akane gasped.   
  
"The potatoes! We're late for dinner!" Ranma picked up the sack, carefully placing P-chan at the opposite end from his arm.  
  
"We'll run. Come on." Fighting his habit of chickening out, Ranma took Akane's hand. It was small and cool and gave Ranma a strangely comfortable feeling, although he looked at her uncertainly anyway. She smiled at him though and he relaxed again. They started running for home, P-chan in tow. Perhaps not, Ranma thought smugly, such an entirely unacceptable day.  
  
The End  
  
Author's Notes: You know when you have one of those fanfic ideas that's stupid, but just won't go away. Well, here you are. I suppose it's not really so bad, for a plotless little one-shot ^_^ Anyway, thank you so much for reading. If I'm allowed to self-plug, then -- *coughvisitmywebsitecough* at www.crossfire.0catch.com for more Ranma and Akane goodness. Catch ya on the flipside! Love, Elly 


End file.
